yeAH

a Haiku about Me

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 19:41:21 -0400

wow i am a fag,

i also eat too much help,

kill me now please thank.

15/06/13

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 19:39:16 -0400

i swear to god i cant write songs

theyre all shit for fucks sake *flips table*

also the last time i cut i did it a tad deeper and you can tell and its on my arm wow well done georgia so fucking clever stupid bitch omfg

i’ve just like given up telling people things like they prolly think all my problems are for attention cause i used to talk about them but now i dont sighs

w/e i wish i could die in my sleep or some shit

also i dont want to eat anything ever again ffs

24/05/2013

Fri, 24 May 2013 19:55:51 -0400

So today i felt pretty shit. no idea why, i just do sometimes but i don’t let people see ect. i just feel attention-y if i do gah

i couldn’t sleep the night before so i got like an hour or less to live off of for the whole day and i got home and just wanted to collapse but then a remembered that Joe was coming over.

i nearly messaged him to tell him not to come because of how bad i was feeling but i thought ‘i should see him really, i haven’t in a while’ so he came over.

we were just laid, chilling as we usually do and we had laughs and it was just great! then shit got pretty serious; we were sat looking at each other and he was telling me ‘you’re beautiful, you’re so perfect!” and stuff similar to that. of course i declined all of this and labelled it as nonsense to which he just frowned at and started saying more things to me.

”..and when you’re upset..it just breaks my heart because all i want is for you to be happy and i want to be that one making you happy and to give you the love that you deserve. i want to help you and im here no matter what okay?”

once he said this, i hugged him so tight. i could feel my eyes beginning to pool but i told myself not to cry, not in front of Joe. he clung back just as tight as we sat and hugged. i wrapped my legs around him and buried my face in his shoulder, whispering to him;

‘thank you so so much.. you have no idea how much you have actually helped me. you’re just so perfect and i want you to see that because you so are; you’re all that i could dream for. i’m sorry i can be depressive and all crazy, i just don’t ever want you to leave me, not now. or ever. without you, i have no idea where i would be, whether that be alive or dead”

after saying all of this, i started to hear him cry. he cried. Joe, one of the strongest people i know, crying. the sound made my heart ache. i could feel myself starting to cry to. he sniffed and started talking, evident in his voice that he was crying;

‘i’m never going okay? thats never going to happen. I’m always here to help you and to be here for you. you have me forever, Georgia. I’m not going anywhere.”

by now we were both sobbing and i pulled away from the hug to look at him and hold his face, but i could tell he didn’t want to me to see him crying. i lifted his face up and he gave me a small smile and just wiped away his tears and kissed him. we were crying and kissing and it was so passionate and just emotional; like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. we pulled away and rested our foreheads against each other, blinking away more tears as we told each other we loved each other again.

”i’m starting to hope that you will stay mine forever.”

”well then that makes two of us. i will never leave you.”

Joe

Mon, 06 May 2013 19:45:23 -0400

So I guess I should just begin with this: He’s perfect.

The first time I saw him, my heart fluttered and I swear a swarm of butterflies were flying around in my stomach, my brain deteriorated into nothingness and everything around me didn’t matter because it was only him I cared about; I guess you could call this love at first sight.

He has brown hair that naturally curls, and despite what he thinks it’s the most adorable thing ever. His eyes are a gorgeous shade of green. He has the best personality; he is so alive. He jokes around, is a full on gamer and is all around a nice person to know and to be with. It’s soo hard to be apart from him. He’s amazing. I’d do anything to be with him right now.

Any girl would be lucky to even know him. He’s flawless, despite his views on himself. He’s an outstanding athlete; what he does amazes me so much. His body is to die for; having that body pressed against mine is the most intimate and indulging feeling I could ever experience. I can never get enough of him.

He’s kind and gentle, and knows how to treat me right. He’s respectful and understanding. Just having his arms wrapped around me, telling me not to leave is more than enough to make those butterflies in my stomach fly around again. He thinks he’s over protective; he makes others know that no one else can have me but him, and I love that. He makes me feel wanted, needed.

He’s “The One”; The perfect boy. I will spend my entire life with him if I can; I’ll Keep him close to me forever, and never let go.

The longer I ponder about him –about us- the more I believe that truly, this is what it feels like to be in love.

05/05/2013

Sun, 05 May 2013 16:45:55 -0400

today i woke up a little shit cause, to be honest, a 5 hour sleep doesnt do much for ones usual 9 hour sleep. was at Zoes. had a really good time.

decided to go to meet Joe and i was really nervous cause they’d never met before, but everything was fine and chill and perfect

and i smell of Joe again

srsly, i hope and think Zoe likes and approves of him and vise-versa. they were talking to each other fine and it wasn’t awkward so

i think they get a long well

that makes me happy

26/04/2013

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 18:25:53 -0400

Went to see Iron Man 3 with Joe today.

the film was really fucking good, especially the ending jfc i was ready to explode because SCIENCE BUDDIES.

but yeah, after me and Joe were outside and he took my hat so i took his and fucking hell he just grabbed me and tickled me and we kissed and oh my god i just want him forever like is that too much to ask for?!

once i got home, we walked me to my door and we were just stood there for like 5 minutes just hugging and kissing and me saying ‘i need to go in’ but then kissing him even more cause i just wanted to stay with him, i really fucking did okay.

fuck.

Why Can't Friday Last Forever

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 12:36:00 -0400

when our bodies are tangled

within the warm sheets

His bare chest pressed against mine;

face distinctively bleary,

an abrupt smile playing on His lips,

a hand travelling along my back

as He tries to pull me closer

albeit there’s no more space

between He and I

craving that familiar sensation

of His heartbeat at one with mine

21/04/2013

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 12:35:03 -0400

i was at Joe’s on Friday (19/04/2012) and it was seriously the nicest thing i have ever done ever. full stop.

i just want to lie with him forever. just when me and him are together. our skin touching, faces millimetres apart, limbs intertwined with each other as we talk about everything and anything.

its just perfect.

16/04/13

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 17:36:00 -0400

Most of the time

I feel like I’m not really here.

I don’t exist.

I am imaginary.

But with you,

I feel real.

I exist in that moment.

But I’m scared that

If I ever lost you,

I would never feel real again.

I know that I shouldn’t think this way

Because you are not literally mine,

But you make me feel.

I don’t want to stop feeling.

I don’t want to go back

To that dark place again.

So please stay.

Please don’t ever leave.

I need you.

I fucking need you.

15/04/13

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 17:55:00 -0400

I want to sleep but i am not tired

I mean I can sleep when im dead

But the tiredness eats away at me

Slowly but surely killing me

And believe me I try

But what’s the point when I’m just left unsettled in my sheets at night?

Hoping the unconsciousness will take over my mind

Restlessly wishing that right now id die

only because then

I could actually fucking sleep.

I need to learn to care

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 17:55:00 -0400

i need to learn to care

despite my lack of words

but i guess i cant really help that,

its just who i am

i try and try believe me i do

but sometimes i just cant bring myself to care

and i really do want to care,

but i’ve cared in the past

and thats just gotten me to where i am now;

broken, useless, hopeless.

if you come to me,

i will support you all i can

but if i show no care,

or seem distant

please do not despair

because on the inside there’s a constant battle

of what to say and how to present it

and this fear i have that will never allow me

to say the things i need to say

because my mind is screaming,

‘help them, tell them what you know’

but at the past is like a ledge

and i can never let go

because letting go means falling

and i’ve fallen before

and it left me a mess

all that pain i had to endure.

now holding on to this ledge

is the best i can do

because in the past they used my words against me

so i will try by best

so say whats on my mind

i may jumble up my words

or not say them at all

just remember that thats what im like

i cant help that any more

i’ve learnt from my mistakes

and my mistake was being to caring

and thats just gotten me to where i am now;

broken, useless, hopeless.

14/04/13

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 07:14:00 -0400

i told Joe have i self harmed again yesterday and i was just so fucking freaked out. i am every time i go to tell him. probably because the Voice tells me that he wont care ect but you know what, fuck the Voice i know he does care for me. loads.

its so weird. just being with him. i dont have the same feeling as i have done with others and thats just really alien to me right now. i just dont know.

im so used to just feeling like ‘yeah its been 2 months but i know we wont go further’ because thats what ive felt during other relationships.

its just gone over a month: i feel the complete opposite of that. i feel as thoug me and him will be together for a long time. and i scare myself thinking that cause im not used to it but i feel as though we will be.

and i know he will be my first time for definite.

i just know.